Mens Group Articles

Meeting Life with Love

In my work with men over the last 13 years, one of the questions that continues to arise is: "Can I, as a man, respond to the various stressors of life with love?" It's easy for us as men to talk the talk but much harder to walk the walk. For many of us, walking the walk is easier in our work lives, where responses are often logical, even if difficult. Walking the walk in relationship, with an angry partner who knows your "hot buttons", often proves more difficult.

One of the most effective ways to stay both grounded in yourself and open to love is a practice I learned years ago from David Deida called "chi generation". I now use it — with slight modifications — as a standard practice in the groups I lead. When practiced regularly, it helps a man ground deeply into the earth, open a channel to the heavens, and "feel" the world with the exposed front of his body. Of course, if you're pulled over for a traffic ticket you probably won't jump out of your car and assume this pose! But the more you practice, the more likely you'll be able to respond to all of life's vicissitudes in a centered, real, and heartfelt way.

To begin the chi generation pose, stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and with the outsides of your feet parallel, as if you're standing on train tracks. Next, imagine a 50-pound weight is hanging from your perineum, bending your knees out over your toes. At the same time, imagine a hook at the crown of your head that pulls you skyward. There you are! Experiencing the essence of your humanity, caught between earth and sky. Let your arms float gently a few inches away from your sides, like you are about to draw your guns in the Wild West.

Now, begin to breathe like a bellows down the front of the body. Each deep inhalation opens another layer of the heart, belly and genitals. After several of these deep breaths, slowly bring your hands a few inches over your head and a few inches away from each other, elbows facing to the sides, as if the ceiling were pressing down and you were holding it up. Relax the shoulders and continue to breathe down the front of the body. Notice how this arm position creates a greater sensation of exposure of your soft underbelly.

If you can, hold this position for at least 5 minutes. Holding the arms overhead may be the most difficult part, and if you experience any sharp pains in any joints, slowly come out of the posture. Shaking, sweating, and general discomfort are all normal phenomena of this practice — especially when it's held for 20 minutes or longer.

There are more advanced versions of this basic pose, including tongue position, pelvic rocking and various visualizations during the exhalation. But the key — and the reason that you're doing the exercise in the first place — is to open to feeling all of this. All of the craziness that is this world (and all other worlds!), all of the beauty, all of the death that is happening all of the time. Like the Hindu god Shiva, you can rest in the knowledge that you are beyond this existence, yet you are not aloof: you feel this world fully and allow it to touch you. You are rooted, awake and vulnerable. You are willing to see and be seen, feel and be felt. You are resting in the essence of your masculine nature.

© 2008 Jim Benson. All Rights Reserved. This article may be reproduced with permission from the author.

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