Mens Group Articles

 

Sitting in Presence

Men have been sitting in circle together for millennia. Although in the last few decades women have been allowed to participate in circles such as Native American sweat lodges and Fijian kava ceremonies, those gatherings are traditionally all-male affairs. The men in indigenous cultures often will not make any important decisions until they are all energetically in sync with each other; only then will they decide what to do about the latest antics of the crazy person in the village, or how to best handle the coyotes that are killing the livestock.

There is something sacred that is transmitted in a circle of men who are sitting quietly together. David Deida's teacher "Mykonos" calls it vu. It's a kind of palpable essence that arises in such a sacred environment. Each man's innate presence is a contributor to the vu; in addition, he is a recipient of the collective vu, and can imbibe it like a potent distillate. The process of sitting together can be seen as a subtle but constant exchange of this vu. The men sitting are both the container and the food itself.

It's a simple matter to add this "sitting in presence" practice to your existing men's group. Many of the suggestions I offer here have been developed in a group whose members have spent time in circle with Mykonos. I've added other suggestions that I've tested in the Awakened Masculine groups that I lead, in sittings that last from ten minutes to two hours. Feel free to investigate these suggestions and see how they work for you.

Physical exercise. Grounding into the body with some form of physical practice for a few minutes produces a different quality of presence than going straight into the sit. Try it both ways with your group and notice the difference.

Create a symmetrical circle. Whether you're on the floor or in chairs, symmetry is important. If there is an even number of men, you should have a man seated directly across from you. If an odd number, you should be facing the space between two men. Also, take care that every man is "in" the circle the same amount; no one too far forward, no one pulled back. You should be able to sense every man in the circle equally.

Look around. Take ten or fifteen seconds to look at every man in the group. How does he seem today? Also, get a sense of the group overall. Is there a particular "tone" that is present at this moment?

Formal beginning and ending. The leader (or whomever else is drawn or selected to do so) can ring a chime, bowl, or bell to begin and end the practice.

Attention. Unlike a meditation practice where you might "step back" into yourself, the practice of presence in a group seems to work best when everyone is both experiencing themselves and experiencing the "other." So allow your gentle focus to be on your inner experience as you feel around the circle into the hearts of the men there. If thoughts arise, name the experience as "thinking" and let the thoughts go, softly coming back to the space of presence.

The gaze. Allow the eyes to move as they are drawn. In any given sitting you may experience: a soft, unfocused gaze in the center of the circle; looking around at the hearts of different men; direct, sustained eye contact with one man; eyes closed.

The breath. If focusing on the experience of presence in yourself and others is too ephemeral for you, use your breath as a locus for this sitting practice. Without forcing any change in your natural, effortless breath, imagine that you're drinking in an energy elixir from the group on your inhale, then gently offering the group your masculine presence on the exhale.

Fidgeting. As the group drops deeper into the vu, take care to refrain from throwing off energy through fidgeting. In this deep space, your small, unconscious, and habitual movements are felt by everyone. If you need to move, honor the moment by shifting position slowly, with as much consciousness as possible.

Spontaneous love-art. In longer sittings, it isn't uncommon for men in the circle to allow some form of expression to come through them. This isn't an expression of personality; rather, once the personality settles down, the radiance of the divine more easily shines through. Poetry, song, toning, clapping, ecstatic cries, dance — all of these can be offered as sacred gifts to deepen the experience of the men present.

The real magic of sitting in presence is that you don't really need to do anything. Sitting together creates a space that allows the divine to do you. You might feel the vu so strongly that it feels like a dense liquid surrounding and pressing into you and the other men. Or you may experience the energy like bubbles of champagne burbling up through the group. Whatever the sensations are, continue to return to the grounded, very real experience of yourself and the other men in the circle.

Rest in the depth of presence that you are.

© 2008 Jim Benson. All Rights Reserved. This article may be reproduced with permission from the author.

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